Cleaning House...

I was already crying on my way to church this morning, which should have been an indication that today's service was going to be an exceptionally emotional one. Buddy has been preaching on the Holy Spirit lately and today's message was a real wake up call. He got me right at the end when he asked who we are letting guide our lives...the Holy Spirit? Satan? our Friends? Ouselves?

C: All of the Above...well almost.

He mentioned how frustrating it can be just following Jesus. We see who He is, who we want to be like, but we don't know how to get there. I've been asking that question for months. I know where I am, I know where and who I want to be, but I've been so frustrated trying to figure out how to get there. I want to be the kind of person a friend can count on, I want to be the kind of person who encourages, the kind of person God's love just pours out of, the kind of person who is difficult to anger or fluster - who stays peaceful and gentle in the most stressful of circumstances, an approachable person, a person who sees people the way Jesus sees them - who feels their pain and their joy with them...but how do I get from the wretched excuse I am now...to that person...the person who immulates Christ? Apparently I've been using the wrong guides.

When Buddy posed the question, I immediately generated a mental list of the influences on my life...Holy Spirit wasn't anywhere near the top. How about myself? Using my wants and desires as a guide...seeking my own satisfaction. So then there's Satan because he is using that weakness and guiding me through my ambition for self-satisfaction. Friends, family, and people who's specific attention I crave so deeply. Then...maybe...if I tried really hard to find an example...I might be able to list the Holy Spirit.

My prayer this morning? Clear all the junk out, get rid of all the false guides, the false beacons and compasses to make room for the only guiding light I should be focusing on. So I can hear Him, feel Him, and experience the Holy Spirit in a way I never knew was possible...and maybe as a result...find a deeper relationship with Christ. I've prayed to know Christ better, to love Him deeper, for a more intimate and meaningful relationship with Him...this is obviously the other cleat I'm missing :) That's for Buddy and his analogy :)

I prayed desperately this morning on my way to church to be freed from something that has had me in chains for a long time. I was angry with God...I'd been praying so hard and so long for Him to free me, to help me free myself, to show me a way out and I felt like my prayers were bouncing off a glass ceiling right back at me. Until this morning. I felt like He has been laying the ground work for weeks and months for where He let me get this morning. He had to let me get to a place of desperation to realize the meaning and the hope of the Holy Spirit. I needed Him to show me that even though I feel like everything I've hoped and waited for is so close...that if it doesn't come to pass it would be ok. I needed that peace and that comfort...so today Prince of Peace was the name of Christ that held the most meaning to me.

So to quote Bebo Norman :) This is definately all about letting go...but it's also all about holding on. Letting go of the wrong things and holding tightly to my Savior and His travel guide.


Peace and Blessings,

Ashley