the real me..

This has obviously been an overly emotional week for many of us here at Faulkner. We held a memorial service in the gym yesterday for T and Ryne. Both of the families came in to town for the service and Laurie and Doug did a great job taking care of them while they were here. I was able to spend some time with all of the families over the last few days and they are all amazing people, it's no wonder T and Ryne were such great guys. I was blessed to know T and Ryne and now even more blessed to know their families and their personal stories. I've learned a lot about me this last week and have come face to face with how my orginal assumptions and judgements of people didn't really hold true.

I really believe that while God does not cause tragedies like this to happen, that He will use tragedies like this to reach people and change lives. I can already see Him working amongst some of our athletes. One athlete in particular who I have been so guilty of judging all semseter has been affected really deeply by the events of the last week and is making some huge progress. While I am so excited about the way God is working in his heart, I am also seriously convicted and feel so guilty and unworthy for my relationship with this particular athlete prior to all of this. He and I had an argument on the sideline during a game last fall and I have seen him go up and down, from very respectful - to utterly disrespectful and difficult to deal with all year. Instead of sticking by him and pushing through that stuff - I withdrew. I've done that more than I would like to acknowledge this last year. Instead of reaching out to kids when they probably need me the most, I let go and pull back and only fuel the sense they have that there is no one for them to rely on. Now as two of these guys really start to make strides and are really trying to change their lives, I'm so greatful God has given me a second chance to help them...but so angry at myself for missing the first one.

The real me didn't do a good job at fulfilling my goal for football this last year, which was to really reach people and make a difference in these guys lives. The real me got too caught up in the lack of respect the guys were giving me and the lack of control I had over the situation. In the moments when God probably could have used me the most, I let go. Now, I obviously can't get that time back and it would be pointless to continue to stand still while I hang my head over my failures...but God has redeemed those failures and shown me that even when I fail..He is victorious and He has been able to reach these guys in spite of my weaknesses. I learned a hard lesson of how I treat people when I looked back at my memories of Ryne and T...I wasn't ever mean to them in the real sense of the word, but I definately didn't give them the love, attention, and patience I should have, and they definately didn't see the reflection of Jesus in me I have always hoped to portray...and I don't get another chance with them. But I get another chance with everyone else because of them and because of what their deaths have taught me.

I hope the lessons I've learned this last week about how really unworthy I am for God's love and acceptance will stay with me. I know with time the pain and the hurt will fade, but I pray the lessons I've learned this week will stick around and I can honor T and Ryne by the way I treat people and the way I love people from here on out...that they're memory can live in every nice word and every extra patient moment. I don't know how to keep myself from snap judgements, or even holding on to what I have rationalized to myself as justified judgements, to keep myself free to love like Jesus and forgive like Him....but hopefully the way God has reached these two football guys I'm working with, and they way they are changing and growing will serve as my reminder.

I've included a few pictures Ryan took at the memorial service yesterday, the story and more pictures are on the Faulkner Website: http://www.faulkner.edu/athletics/

Remember Us
To the living, we are gone.
To the sorrowful, we will never return.
To the angry, we were cheated.
To the happy, we are at peace.
To the faithful, we never left.
We cannot be seen, but we can be heard.
So as you push through the tough times, remember us.
As you celebrate life's victories, remember us.
As you cheer our Eagles, remember us.
Remember us, in your heart, your thoughts, and your memories.
The times we've shared, the times we've cried, the times we've laughed.
For if you always think of us, we will have never gone.
Ryne and T, We will never forget you.
BY GREGG BAKER, FAULKNER HEAD FOOTBALL COACH
***My Chia-Pet writes poems!!!***

I've been debating starting a blog for awhile, but I didn't really expect that anyone would read it! And maybe they still won't, but I figure with all the stuff going on in my head these last few weeks, it's probably a good time to give it a try.



It's amazing how God prepares us. Not two weeks ago Paul Evans gave an incredible message at church about tragedy. Now I find myself in the midst of one. The message was moving and applicable to so many things, but never so much so in my life, until yesterday morning. It was a Tuesday morning and because I don't have lunchtime class those days, I don't have to be in to work until 10. So I was being lazy and laying on the couch when our secretary, my good buddy Laurie Walker, called with some incredibly bad news. Two of our football players had been killed in a car accident early that morning. Teirson Hollis (20) and Ryne Wilhite (19) were coming back from Tuscaloosa when they had a head-on accident with an 18 wheeler.

T. Hollis

Ryne Wilhite

I had the privilege of working with both of these young men for injuries while they played football. Both were very polite and I cannot remember a time when T didn't address me with a "Yes Ma'am".

After I got the call and headed to work I couldn't help but think about all the times those two boys did not see Jesus in me. The times I had been short with them or hadn't given them the time they probably deserved, and now I couldn't make it right. I was weighed down all day yesterday with regret for the way I SHOULD have treated these young men, and missed the chance to. Paul's message has been ringing loud in my heart that I can redeem this tragedy by allowing it to directly effect the way I treat everyone else in my life, realizing I may only get one chance to show them Jesus. The way I treat someone and the way I make them feel, could be the last encounter I have with any given person. It's a lesson I've learned before, a lesson I should already practice, but it feels the most true today.

The concept of Paul's message I really want to convey to the team is that for every small decision you make better, every person you treat just a little nicer - your family, your teammates, anyone you give just a second thought to treating better, because of these two guys - you will be redeeming their tragedy. You will redeem the pain and the emptiness you feel right now by honoring these guys in the way we grow from here. There is a really good chance that one day you will be put in a situaiton to support someone who has lost a friend or loved one, and when you draw on the experiences of this time - you will be redeeming the death of these to men. Just like every time a soul is won for Jesus, every time someone turns their life around for Him, the blood and death of Jesus is redeemed...the same is true for T and Ryne, every time their death helps you do better and be better - this tragedy is redeemed.

I hope all that made as much sense written down as it did in my head. I hope that I don't lose the impact of what I'm learning right now as time moves on. I wish I could apologize to them for letting them down and not being for them who I should have been, but I hope to use that regret to do better from here on out.